By Bridget Bland
It's been nearly two years since Academy Award winner Jennifer Hudson's family members were tragically murdered in her hometown of Chicago on October 24, 2008.
Last night, the former 'American Idol' finalist finally shared her thoughts on suffering the great loss on VH1's critically acclaimed 'Behind the Music.'
The documentary-styled show included intimate interview with Hudson's sister, Julia Hudson, and several family friends, as well as some of Hudson's big-name Hollywood friends like 'The Secret Life of Bees' co-star Queen Latifah, 'American Idol' judge Randy Jackson, record company titan Clive Davis, R&B singer/producer Ne-Yo, iconic entertainer Whitney Houston and her 'Dreamgirls' co-star Jamie Foxx.
But, the most poignant testimony on the horrific murders (of her mom, brother and nephew) came from Hudson, herself.
"It was surreal," the Grammy Award winning vocal powerhouse shared. "It was like I was outside of myself."
"I would pray when I got up in the morning and when I laid down at night," she continued. "It was just two weeks straight with family and friends going in and out, and of course it was like 'Where's Jennifer?'
"I was pretty much secluded," the Arista Records singer said. "I didn't watch any TV. I remember being asked to do a film and I said 'I don't know who I am right now. I can't be another character if I don't know who I am."
Then, she had a breakthrough.
"I can't do this anymore and I knew if I sit down and dwell on it it will be harder," the 'Dreamgirls' star revealed.
The new Weight Watchers spokesperson said that her 2009 Grammy Awards performance of her single 'You Brought Me Through' was another moment which allowed her to get out and get back to her old self.
"I was definitely thinking of my family when I sung that song [and] I could hear my brother in my head like, 'You better kill this.'"
These days, as seen in the opening moments of the show, Hudson is happily raising her toddler son, David, Jr. and gearing up to marry the father of her child, David, Daniel Otunga, Jr., a Harvard-educated attorney who previously appeared on the VH1 reality show 'I Love New York.'
And every day she gets a little stronger.
"In a way my brother drives me in my music, my son reminds me of my nephew and being a mother reminds me of my mother and in so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom," Hudson said.